You are a drug, and I am sedated. You are a pain pill, and I am abated. You are hard liquor, and I am debilitated.
You were my lover, and now, I’m just jaded.
(Source: darlingpouryourheartout)
you are in my collarbones. you are in my confidence, swallowed whole. you are in the sinew holding up my knees and you are in the nervousness between my sheets. you are in the bitten lips and the bruising hips and the every finger’s slip. you are in my head and my single bed and every book I’ve read. and you are gone, and without you I’m left for dead.
(Source: darlingpouryourheartout)
I could tattoo every fingerprint you’ve left on me with the ease of marking cracks in a glass door. One here, one here, one here. There are very few, but we add more every day, careless, permanent presses. I want more and more and more, you say, and the ink slowly bleeds my skin dry.
(Source: darlingpouryourheartout)
We move on as though recovering from a legal battle. I take a memory here, you one there, split up amongst us, divorced between our souls. As if the memories were offspring, bitterly fought over and embalmed for posterity, emblems of our mistakes. “What I won’t do next time.” And the memories watch quietly as we split them up, claim these or those as our own and colour them as we please, changing their very construction with our ideas and biases and angers. They sit in silence and allow us to act as our hearts desire, unable to fight back.
They’re just memories, after all. They are never the children we make them out to be. And they are naturally coated in resin, powerless without our seas of emotions to flood them with feeling.
(Source: darlingpouryourheartout)
& now the tiniest things serve to wreck me. the curve of a letter on a slip of paper, the resonance of a bitter chuckle, the taste on the tongue of a boy at a bar. Little moments that resemble whatever the opposite of a miracle is. A mistake, a regret. Me & you. A carefully matched set of substanceless, broken chest cavities.
(Source: darlingpouryourheartout)
You slip into me like a familiar disease, but never never ever like a mystery. There are the parts of me that I’ll try to make whole but I’ll fail as you bite down on skin that you stole. “I should have,” I’ll whisper as you ghost along, and you’re barely there and you’re barely gone. “Should have, should have, should have tried.” And your mind will shiver and come up with “tied”.
One letter, you say, oh it screams the whole world.
(& The ropes slide up tight as my head starts to whirl.)
(Source: darlingpouryourheartout)
They say, “Monster. Monster, monster, monster, monstermonstermonster.”
But with a crooked smile, suddenly you’re beautiful.
(Source: darlingpouryourheartout)
And so my body reads like a medical checklist: Contusions on the abdomen, check. Cause believed to be forced expulsion of the stomach due to anger at a gain of weight. Fractured cheek-bone, check. Cause believed to be a right-hook to the face due to negligence in perfection. Shattered clavicle, check. Cause believed to be a heavy and prolonged weight on the collar due to the same lie told twice. Dislocated scapula, check. Cause believed to be constant pressure on the bone due to a headboard holding a near-lifeless body steady.
“Broken heart”, check. Cause believed to be an idiot’s ability to survive the above and stick around for more.
(Source: darlingpouryourheartout)
I am more than the sum of my endless longing for you. I must be, I must be. I must believe that I am. I must trust that I am worth more than my generalized yearning for someone else, or I shall quickly drown.
For you are not coming back, and now, neither am I.
(Source: darlingpouryourheartout)
The only photograph I have of us:
We slipped beneath the water to cool off, droplets clinging to our skin as we resurfaced. You looked so young with your hair wet, a miracle away from the nicotine smudge of a boy that I was used to seeing. Your hands were soft and slick as they clutched at my bruises below the sightline of the pool.
“This would make for a good picture.”
(It’s blurry.)
(Source: darlingpouryourheartout)
